Taking My Loaves to China

Well, we have super exciting news!

All of our adoption appointments in China have been set and our flights are booked. We will be getting our girl very soon.

Our agency emailed last week with some possible travel dates. I was so shocked that we received travel approval as quickly as we did. I was super excited, but to be honest panic was probably the dominant emotion that I was feeling.

I'm just going to be super real here for a minute.

When Dane and I were discussing adoption he faced everything from his head, very logical, responsible, and even critical. I, on the other hand, operated solely from my heart. He would voice a concern and I would say with much assurance, "If God has called us to this, he will take care of all of that."

But after that email I kind of did a flip flop in my stance. I am trying to prepare for all scenarios, which means I have to think about all of the hard things that could take place. And for a few days I kind of got bogged down in all of the scary stuff. I began to doubt if I am really capable of mothering 3 children, one of which that will face challenges that I will never be able to understand.  I was feeling way in over my head. I felt incapable and like I was not enough.

But you know how God is just super amazing, and he knows just what we need?

He knew I needed to quit listening to the lies of the enemy so He sent his word to me and reminded me of some very important truths.

He sent his word through precious friends that spoke God's word directly to Dane and I and prayed for us. 

He sent truth through a faithful alter team member that prayed peace over my heart.

And he also reminded me of something pretty powerful through His written word.

I wanted to share this with you all, because I am guessing I am not the only one that needed to hear this reminder.

Luke 9:10-13

^"10 When the apostles returned, they told Jesus everything they had done. Then he slipped quietly away with them toward the town of Bethsaida. ¹¹ But the crowds found out where he was going, and they followed him. He welcomed them and taught them about the Kingdom of God, and he healed those who were sick.

¹² Late in the afternoon the twelve disciples came to him and said, “Send the crowds away to the nearby villages and farms, so they can find food and lodging for the night. There is nothing to eat here in this remote place.”
¹³ But Jesus said, “You feed them.” “But we have only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered. “Or are you expecting us to go and buy enough food for this whole crowd?”  ¹⁴ For there were about 5,000 men there..."

Umm, hello!

Jesus just asked his disciples to feed 5,000 people with one small boy's lunch box (only 5 small loaves of bread and 2 fish).

I'm thinking they probably felt a little in over their head too.

What about the little boy who was asked for his lunch? You think he felt adequate to do what Jesus was asking? I'm sure he looked at his basket and thought, "I don't have enough so why bother, I should probably just eat it myself.

Whew! Raise your hand if you have ever looked at the skills and resources you possess and felt like you didn't have enough to help Jesus.

I think I better raise both of mine!

This is where I found myself. Looking at my home, my ability, my time, and feeling like I didn't have enough to give.

BUT!! That is not the end of the story.

"Jesus replied, “Tell them to sit down in groups of about fifty each.” ¹⁵ So the people all sat down. ¹⁶ Jesus took the five loaves and two fish, looked up toward heaven, and blessed them. Then, breaking the loaves into pieces, he kept giving the bread and fish to the disciples so they could distribute it to the people. ¹⁷ They all ate as much as they wanted, and afterward, the disciples picked up twelve baskets of leftovers!"

This is where I said, "Okay Jesus, I get it. I am in over my head. You have asked me to do something that I am not capable of. But luckily I am under the Lordship of a King that can turn my not enough into more than enough."

You see that is a much better end to the story. In the hands of Jesus, not enough is more than enough.  As Charles Spurgeon said, "All that matters in this miracle is that the lad's loaves were in the Lord's hands."

So you know what? I am declaring this over our home and family. With Jesus, through his power and empowering, we will not live in lack. I am going to bring what little I have available and I am going to trust that Jesus is going to multiply it to the point that there are even left overs. 

He wants to do this for you too. Don't let your feelings of inadequacy stop you from doing new, big, and uncomfortable things. That's when the story gets interesting. That's when Jesus gets to shine through.

Do you have a couple of loaves? Maybe only one? That's okay. Make it available. Be available. That's all it takes.

That's what I am going to do.

I am taking my very few loaves to China.  And I am going to watch Jesus make my not enough and turn it into more than enough.